By Peggy Simpson

May Chidiac wants people to know that she will not be silenced.

“I will continue expressing myself very frankly,” she said, “for freedom of expression.”

In Lebanon, journalists who criticize Syria’s influence do so at great risk. A series of bombings have taken the lives of prominent journalists and politicians, including well known journalist Samir Kassir and the charismatic and popular former primer minister Rafiq al Hariri.

Chidiac was the first woman to be targeted. After spending her journalism career crusading for free speech and for Lebanon’s freedom from foreign domination, she suffered severe injuries from a bomb planted under her car on Sept. 25, 2005.

“...I paid the price,” she said.

The day of the attack, Chidiac, 43, had devoted her widely watched Lebanese Broadcasting Corporation program, Nharkom Said (Good Day), to a discussion with prominent journalists and political figures about Syria’s possible involvement in the Hariri assassination. She has no doubt that Syria planted the bomb that nearly killed her.

After the show, Chidiac drove her Range Rover to a friend’s house, parked, and drove with her friend to visit a monastery in the mountains and eat lunch. She bought votive candles and religious artifacts and, back at her friend’s house, was putting them into the back seat of her car when the bomb was detonated. Chidiac lost her left hand and left leg and was injured over all her body.

Chidiac is one of the most experienced journalists in Lebanon and also one of the country’s most prominent Christian Lebanese commentators. She began her career when she switched her focus from math to journalism while at the Lebanese University. Chidiac began working at the Voice of Lebanon radio station in her third year in college. She came of age along with the country’s private television media, starting work for the LBC in 1985 when she was 21. Chidiac said she had no role models at the LBC, because at the time everyone was breaking new ground.

Chidiac’s background helped her find the internal strength to succeed. Her father died when she was 15, and three years later her brother died of leukemia. Her mother was exhausted from these ordeals, leaving Chidiac and her two sisters to face life on their own. “It was not so easy,” she said. “And it forced me to be what I am today.”

Facing obstacles early in life and achieving prominence in her career helped Chidiac tackle the aftermath of the car bomb explosion. Following the attack, she spent nine months in French hospitals recovering from her injuries and getting fitted with prosthetics. She returned to Lebanon on July 11 on one of the last planes into the country before fighting erupted between Hezbollah militants and the neighboring country of Israel.

Fans lined the streets, politicians and friends met Chidiac at the airport, and newspapers interviewed her. She faced one final hurdle: going back before the cameras.

“I was a little bit anxious about my physical look, but the second time [on air], I was the same person again and started to speak lightly, against all the things I consider wrong in what’s happening,” she said.

Chidiac launched her new LBC talk show, Bikol Joraa (With Audacity), two weeks after her return. She began this way: “Here I am back to you. I am sorry for arriving late.” She added, “Those who tried to assassinate me were trying to assassinate the country’s freedom. But they didn’t succeed. I am back, as I promised.”

Chidiac said that while in France she had been so focused on getting well and getting home that she hadn’t focused on internal Lebanese political affairs. She had even contemplated retiring. She quickly dismissed those thoughts after war began. “I got with the situation and followed all that was happening. So when I started on July 25, I really was prepared to do so.”

Chidiac began by hosting talk shows on Tuesdays and Fridays to analyze the conflict and examine options for what could happen next. She now does one in-depth show each week. In an interview with the IWMF on Aug. 10, with bombs still falling on Beirut, she said Hezbollah had miscalculated. “What Israel is doing to Lebanon is unacceptable,” she said, but “Hezbollah needs to be disarmed, otherwise Israel will not leave us alone. And Hezbollah cannot be the only armed group in Lebanon.”

Chidiac hoped a cease fire would deal with the “total crisis” in the country, enabling housing to be rebuilt quickly and schools to be freed of refugees before students arrived for the fall.

“We have a very poor country. And we cannot do work in the interest of Syria and Iran. We have to work in the interest of Lebanon. Hezbollah has to work in the Lebanese community …and act Lebanese. Otherwise we cannot ever have peace.”

As Chidiac fought her medical battles, she looked hard at the options ahead. “It was a turning point,” she said. “I could either be depressed and refuse to continue or be as stubborn as I am, work on myself and to be able to pick up being the person I used to be.”Chidiac said she hadn’t ever really thought about courage. She called it “something that you feel deep inside, that you dare to do without giving consideration to all the threats of the red lines somebody has drawn for you … to be convinced in what you are doing and that it is good for you and for the country, no matter what the threats are.”

After the near-miss assassination, others told her she had always been courageous. “I didn’t notice how much I was courageous until they attacked,” she said.

Today, security can never be 100 percent and there are only so many precautions she can take, she said. She noted that Hariri, one of the most heavily protected men in Lebanon, was killed by a one-ton bomb.

Chidiac used to drive her own car everywhere. Now, “I always have somebody with me,” she said. “I also need someone to drive the car since I lost my arm and leg.” One of her sisters lives nearby and helps her at home.

Chidiac has certainly learned from the ordeal. “You have to respect your work and respect yourself,” she said. “You don’t have to be afraid of all the threats. … If you want to be a good journalist, take risks and go and find the best way to do it. …You have to do what you’re convinced in, and if you don’t act this way, you have to change your job.”

Today, she faces new challenges.

“I want to respect what I suffered from,” she said. “…I want to be the voice of those who lost their lives, who are threatened by Syria.” And even though the summertime 2006 crisis was with Israel, her focus is still on Syria. “It doesn’t mean we have to stop protesting what Syria has done. They wanted to come back and created all these troubles, attacking Christian areas and all these personalities, including ministers, including myself.

“So I consider that the challenge is not to forget for what I was attacked and to work for the freedom of my country.”

Chidiac has considered working for freedom in Lebanon in another way; in January 2006, she announced her intention to run for a seat in parliament. Though she decided against running in the election, Chidiac hasn’t ruled out the possibility of being involved in the government.

“In the future, I consider that maybe working as journalist in the field won't be enough,” she said. “This is why I am thinking about doing politics. …Maybe in some years.”

For now, Chidiac is focused on being back at work.

“They took the left part of my body, and they might come back for more,” she said. “But I will never be afraid or stay away from any problems. I have to do what I am convinced is the right thing to do.”

Peggy Simpson is a freelance writer based in Washington, DC.