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EXIT |
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Module Outline
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Leadership Development Series
Module 1 - Leadership and Communication
Structuring Your Response
How we speak and respond to people is usually governed by what it is we want from them, from the interaction, or from the relationship. In professional situations we usually try to speak from the neutral mode - passing information without any emotion.
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Communicator is speaking from judgmental mode
If someone is speaking to you in the judgmental mode and you do not want to encourage this, use the neutral mode when you respond. Give information and ask questions in a straightforward way without a value judgment. By using the neutral mode, you encourage them to move to their neutral mode. Try to avoid the emotional mode because then communication could rapidly deteriorate into an argument with no constructive communication.
Hint: Being aware of which communication mode you are using when you speak to others – and being aware of what mode others are using when they speak to you – is important. It lets you more clearly decipher the total message that is being given to you and the total message you are giving.
In the first example, you could use the following dialogue to speak in the neutral mode: “I am hearing the message that you are critical of my work, but I am not sure how to improve the article. I am not clear on your specific criticisms.”
Or, in the appropriate instance and if it’s true, you might say, “I am surprised by the amount of anger I hear in your comments about this article. Is there some other problem with this article or something else we need to discuss about this assignment?”
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Communicator is speaking from neutral mode
If someone is speaking to you from a neutral mode, respond in the neutral mode. This mode is not loaded with the unexpressed tensions and anxieties that can interfere with communication.
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Communicator is speaking from emotional mode
If someone is speaking to you from the emotional mode, you will have to determine if it is appropriate for you to respond with your own emotions. If it is a more serious type of exchange, you will not want to responds with emotions. If you felt the need to bring the person out of the emotional mode, go back to your neutral mode, passing straight information such as, “This probably isn’t the best time to share these kind of feelings, but we can certainly talk about this at another time.”
Not all communication should be lacking emotion. As a leader, there will definitely be times when you will want to communicate heavy emotional content. You will need to choose which of the different strategies and different modes of communication to use.
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Active Listening and Reflecting Back
One of the keys to being able to accurately and quickly discern the communication mode another person is using and the message they are giving is to engage in active listening.
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Active listening plays an important role in communication and is especially important for effective leadership. It means that you become actively involved in the process of listening to what others are saying and clarifying their meaning.
To be an active listener, repeat the phrase, "What are you really saying?" That is, when someone speaks to you, you need to quickly evaluate the message for any ambiguous words, and any discrepancy between the words and nonverbal messages you may observe. Quickly compare the verbal and nonverbal messages to see if you are receiving contradictory messages and to be sure you really understand the message.
Then you will need to reflect back, repeating the message you just heard, but in your own words. You have to be able to define the words you hear and include any emotional content you pick up that wasn’t clearly stated. When you reflect back the message in your own words, the person you are speaking to should either confirm your understanding, or, if there is a misunderstanding, re-state their message. This way, you both continue to work towards mutual understanding. Continue the process until you are both sure you understand each other.
| Example: You ask two members of your staff to cooperate on an article. They are to decide how best to divide the work. | |
| Anna: | I think it’ll be a waste of time for both of us to do the initial interviews. I’ll do them and you can start pulling together the other resources we’ll need to write the article. |
| Joan: | I don’t agree. I want to be involved in everything. |
| Anna: | But I can tell you everything they say and you can use my notes. After all, the boss said that I’m the leader of this project. |
| Joan: | Are you saying that your role as leader gives you the right to dictate who does what? I see leadership as a cooperative venture, not a dictatorship. |
| Anna: | You’re right. I do seem to be acting territorially. What do you suggest? |
| Joan: | We could both do the interviews and explain to them exactly what we’ll each be doing. Then we can collaborate on writing the article. As the leader, your name can go first on the byline. |
| Anna: | I think you’ve hit upon a solution. |
This example may be overly simplified, but in the two highlighted lines above, you can see Joan and Anna engaged in active listening. Joan reflects back what she thought she heard Anna say, and Anna confirms that is what she intended.
When to Use Active Listening
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High stakes communication is communication with someone really important to you, someone who controls some aspect of your life or livelihood, or from whom you want or need something very specific. When there might be important consequences and ramifications based on the communication you should aim to use active listening.
On the other hand, you would probably not use active listening in low stakes communication where the outcome is not as crucial.
Not only should you use active listening when someone speaks to you, but
if you’re concerned that someone doesn’t understand what you're
saying, you should say to them, "Do you understand what I just said?"
If they say “yes,” you can ask them to tell you what they heard,
in their own words (have them reflect back). If their understanding matches
your intent, you have bridged the communication gap! If not, you can
clarify your message until you reach an understanding.
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